What Was New?
We were waiting for our second “blessing” to come looking for food and shelter, we moved into our in-laws basement- then to an apartment while our dream house became realized (the house wasn’t realized, the fact that it was just a dream and would never come to fruition was realized). Let’s see, my back broke, we were broke, Gwen’s water broke and two towers on the east coast broke followed by a nation’s heart.
What's New Now?
Cyrus Alexander Myers was born (named after Cyrus the Great and Alexander the Great) and that’s the end of the good news.
What Sucked?
- Cyrus was 2 months old when he was diagnosed with a testicular tumor (for my friends, that’s an unfavorable nut growth) but thank goodness unnecessary surgery was performed to remove it. Turned out it was a common problem that Dr. Stewpid misdiagnosed. Mark my words; urologists are as dumb as a sack of nuts. (get it? Nuts and sack…I’m bustin’ a nut over here….oh, get that too?)
- Gwen found a walnut (he said nut again) sized cyst on her head that Dr. Moreon removed only to find out that it was plugging a quarter sized hole in her skull. A second surgery was performed to plug the hole but then Dr. I. Diot found bacteria so another surgery was performed to remove the plug and clear the infection. Don’t worry though, because in 6 months to a year she can go back in for a fourth surgery and have Dr. Frtnockher plug the hole again! . (See, you’re all saying, “That explains a lot about Gwen.” But what I can’t get over is the fact that a higher organism was surviving on Gwen’s brain cells. Truly a freak of nature).
- Skipper had a seizure that freaked us out a bit. He’s all twitchin’ and shakin’ and it wasn’t the usual mess he’s in after I’ve punched his throat or something, it was worse, like someone castrated him… wait, we did that too… OK, I guess it was your usual doggy seizure—every family pet has them, right?
- Gilligan is an 80# Beagle with a gas problem and farts himself to sleep and poos himself awake. Finding him a good home would be like sending me to a fat camp—we know he’s gotta go, but he’s just too dumb and happy to let him know he has a problem.
- Odin kept having bloody noses and throwing up but recently he seems to be ok. He started smoking and drinking occasionally which is fine as long as he stays of the crack. He’s 2.5 years old and he needs to start making his own choices, I got him some work down in Gig Harbor schlepping fish for a local market but he’s already complaining about the early hours and back pain. He’ll shape up, it’s nothing none of us didn’t go through when we were 2-1/2.
Gwen is doing well and is working far harder than I am. She works from home, raises two boys, takes one to school and rehab and the other requires more attention than Gilligan’s missile farting. I am not sure how she does all that she does and I wish she didn’t have to work, so for Christmas this year I am looking for a man that can support her so she doesn’t have to work. But I have this nasty crack habit and my #1 customer is broke because he can’t hold a job and he’s 2-1/2 years old, so if you know any good men that can either support a wonderful woman and two boys or sell crack cheap, ring me on my cell between 3:30 and 4:30am, if Vinny answers, hang up quick.
The two boys are wonderful and make us laugh all the time. It amazes me how much pride I can feel when watching them interpret their world—it’s just another persons perspective on what happens around them and yet I take so much pride in watching them try to understand it all. And then to think that someone like Gwen and I get to raise these two people based on our experience, on our knowledge and we can share with them our perspective, it’s a wonderful thing…for us. These poor children though—What’s our perspective? I mean, Gwen’s attracted to shiny things and has gone for several years not realizing she has a hole in her head. I talk about crack and dog poo in Christmas letters and have serious issues about my personal hygiene. So whatever happens with these two kids, I hope I’m not jailed for it.
Of all the things that were “challenging” for our family this last year (and I left out a lot), the one thing that is a constant in our lives and remains the thing we value most, never broke. It never grew a tumor or developed a hole in it. It didn’t have seizures or bloody noses or uncontrolled flatulence. And no arrogant, overpaid-under qualified doctor who finished last in his class could saddle it. There’s a wealth of health in laughter and we find it wherever we are. It’s truly the best medicine (next to crack) and Gwen and I do it every day, even when it’s hard. We penetrated the membrane of adversity with it by laughing even when it hurt. It only lasts a couple of minutes but still brings hours of remembered joy. I meant it lasts for hours, not minutes, what was I thinkin’, we go for hours --- minutes, that’s funny. You know I meant hours, right? And you know I meant laughter---you sick minded friends and family of ours – and you too Mikky.
We wish you all the best this season and every season. Merry Christmas and have a laugh or two on us.