Xmas 2017

 

Merry Christmas 2017

From Brad, Gwen, Odin, Cyrus, and Drake Myers

What’s new? Things are going great for all of us! At least that’s what I’m telling my therapist. Gwen’s the perfect example of a perfect example and the kids are still providing humor, love, and a tax credit. They grow so fast and add so much joy to our lives, but it isn’t always like that for everyone. For those of you with younger kids and wondering when it gets better; it might not for you and your kids, sometimes it’s just better to be told that and accept it.

However, there is hope, like I used to tell my kids when they were acting up: “I could bury you in the yard and put a plant next to you. Then I’d water both once a week and see which one of you grew faster.” Different families work in different ways. You may not bury your kids in the yard, but if you’re having difficulties, maybe you should reconsider your approach. Not everything works for everyone else. Sometimes parenting approaches are give-and-take. For example: We miss Madison… But, basil!

Gwen and I took the family on a couple of vacations this year: Disneyland (DL) and a Mexican cruise. DL is this amusement park in California where they have rides called ‘attractions.’ DL also has something called “furries” who walk around and entice small children into hugs and photos where you can actively touch them. Don’t touch them. You can also buy popcorn for $10, which coincidently is the going rate for a streetside-bench-hand-job in the same city. The popcorn comes in 3 flavors while the streetside experience is roughly the same as you’d get at home. Your value may vary.

The cruise was this huge buffet which floats along the sea and has so many smells it’s confusing and disorienting. So many shirtless people wearing food. It’s like a casino buffet without the bells and whistles and clanging of money but with the screaming and yelling of children forgotten since, “Welcome aboard!” Here’s something neat that happened; although it looks remarkably awesome to do, standing in a wading pool eating a mustarded corn dog isn’t awesome to watch. Another neat thing is that they let you off the buffet every other day or so. On these excursions you get to learn new smells and experience varying levels of poverty; mostly your own as you are mugged going into a store as well as at the counter paying for goods and services.

I recommend either vacation for a financial raping: DL offers more opportunities for exposure to, and involvement in, inappropriate sex for all ages. But the huge floating buffet affords you food all trip long, smells at every level of humanism, and opportunities to drown yourself and/or others. I recommend the cruise for a change of scenery because you can wear costumes and get popcorn and hand jobs at home.

Odin (11^th): He’s having a good year; went to Kauai with a friend, bought his first car, went to state in water polo, and works teaching swim lessons. He entered the Running Start program which allows him to take college courses while attending High School (HS). He’s a busy guy and we just get more proud and scared every day. Proud of how he’s growing up and scared of how fast it’s happening.

It’s amazing how much stuff this kid has. So proud of all the new iPhones and Android devices he has stashed in his room. It’s also neat how we get to meet so many of his friends. I suspect he’s stealing things and then selling them, but so did Robin Hood and you still remember him. He hasn’t been caught so it’s really not illegal and he’s not selling them for more money than these friends would pay at a retail store- he’s saving his friends a trip to the mall, too. He’s only had two run-ins with friends where he had to ‘educate’ them via force and beat-downs to recover payment from these stupid thugs who said they’d pay and then didn’t. Some people! Neither of those friends come over nor speak correctly now and we heard one of them is getting new prosthetic ears to cover the holes where his used to be. New ears- I guess for some losers crime does pay, sheesh, smh. If you’re looking for the new iPhone this Christmas and stores are sold out, let me know… I know a guy. Payment up front, please.

Cyrus (10^th): He’s still playing euphonium (it’s a thing, look it up), trumpet, and piano in band at the HS. He also made the HS tennis team and took lessons in the summer, he’s getting very good and is finding that competitive edge. He worked as a soccer referee this fall and as an indoor referee this winter. He’s still a gamer and loves family time just as much as sniping noobs. He’s doing well in school and we’re proud of his ability to manage his time effectively and responsibly. He started weight training and getting swole!

He’s been putting his new found strength to the test by working as a repo-man/drug dealer. He collects cars from dead-beat non-payers and sells them drugs and/or earns bribe money. He doesn’t look tough, but cross him wrong and you’ll get shived. We understand the danger here and that selling drugs is relatively illegal to some, but he makes good money and follows through on his commitments of bodily harm, recovering lost funds, and returning vehicles. Following through is something most millennials aren’t taught- he’s ahead of the curve. Also, for the naysayers, he’s got a fake ID so he’s legal to drive. He’s a good kid, he’ll come out on top. He’s even broadening his scope; does anyone have a reliable “in” with a meth lab or a meth-like-shed area? Asking because I was told to or I’d die in my sleep, he’s so funny. Call me.

Drake (6^th): He’s also playing water polo and the trumpet, guess he’s following his brothers. This guy keeps us laughing with his quick wit and well timed quips. He still loves Lego’s and making stop motion animations that are pretty darn good. He’s doing well in school, liked by all, and has two great role models in his older brothers.

He started smoking which is earlier than some of you and later than others, but he’ll quit on his own. One thing we don’t promote in this household; quitting. If you start something, you finish it. His lungs are young enough to recover and how bad can smoking really be since so many people do it? I think his brothers are supplying him because his current mantra when we ask about it is, “I smoke a pack and I sell a pack and I buy another pack. So there’s a constant supply.” So resourceful! So proud! I’m looking for a roll-your-own kit of some kind. I think it’s important kids learn to work with their hands and build dexterity and strength for things they might be doing in the future, like pounding license plates.

Pets: Titus is 3 years old and opened his own Facebook account and continues to make fun of my weight and pressures Gwen into feeling bad for neglecting him. Perhaps he’s just scared because Luke (our cat) was eaten by coyotes and Leia moved out because she wasn’t happy with him being an asshole to her all the time. So, it’s really all on Titus. He’s had a lot of fun at the dog park and Rehab, he’s led a good life, we’ll see how the new year goes.

Brad & Gwen: We still work the same jobs and love us some family time. Gwen works out to stay healthy and in shape, works full time, and runs kids everywhere and does everything. She cooks, cleans, shops, entertains, and makes everyone around her happy. It’s stupid I should be so lucky. I’m trying to keep up with her which nobody can so that’s the only thing that makes me feel better about myself. I think I’m still working on that second book, but nobody really knows. We were only able to get to Rehab 15 weekends this year, but every one is so valuable and important for our health and family memories.

Remember to tell you friends and family what they mean to you while they can still enjoy it. Hug more. I enjoy my family and friends year round and look forward to laughing with any and all of you soon. Holidays are a great time to be thankful and I certainly am for my family and this time of year. I’m also thankful for my childhood and the memories of events and people- it’s who I am today. I hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and a Fantastic Life. You deserve that.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Myers’