Xmas 2012

 

Merry Christmas 2012

From Brad, Gwen, Odin, Cyrus, and Drake Myers

What was new? Bunnies, dogs, kids, and ‘adults’ living the dream.

What’s new now? Drake is 6, Cyrus 10, Odin 12. All three are learning martial arts, playing soccer and basketball, and Odin and Cyrus are taking piano lessons. Gwen continues to save money through couponing and runs a very happy home. I finished my first book and then shamelessly sold it to family and friends and I’m ‘working’ on the second one.

woofDrake continues to make us laugh with his quick wit and mockery. He’s complimented on his behavior and he looks people in the eyes when spoken to. He’s courteous and kind, respectful and polite. He likes Lego’s and drawing and playing Halo and Lego games. Drake is in 1^st grade and loves school and is doing quite well. He likes to dance and laugh and be the clown. But what you really want is the dirt, so here it is:

         Drake smokes and drinks and battles Viking fetish which is a real thing. A victim he brutally scalped was able to snatch this gruesome shot of him just before the hatchet cleaved his skull. That’s a fake ‘stache but a real unibrow, and plaid are his attack colors, so be on your best behavior around him when he’s wearing plaid. Oh, and if you ask him about this stuff he’ll deny it, but listen carefully—if he mutters something about, “I’ll eat your face”, you’re about to get a beat down and he really means that he wants to eat your face.

woofCyrus is in 5th grade and a real gamer. It’s a struggle to keep his time on the games limited since it’s incorrect for me to say, “You’re done, just get me through this next level, die, exit, and go get me another beer. And do the dishes.”  So we resorted to using a timer… Glad my folks didn’t have one of those; I’d be smarter today if they had. Cyrus is another quick witted, smart, and very kind boy. He’s fair to his brothers and is an excellent friend. He reads sheet music and is focused and cares about doing well. But here’s the interesting stuff:

         Cyrus is a pimp with a Flavor Flav complex. We’re fairly certain that his illegal online gambling web site is a front for a dating service. I know—you’re thinking I’ve gone too far this time and it’s hard for me to even write it, but protecting family and friends is important to me. Your daughters aren’t safe! He wears those dark glasses because he knows his panty-dropper eyes are too much for girls to handle. This web cam shot of him losing a hand of poker on his own web site reveals the grimace of anger and frustration behind that baby face you just wanna squeeze… but NEVER do that! He’ll bat his eyes at you and then have his brother, Drake, bat your eyes in. Hide your wife, hide your daughters.

woofOdin started middle school this year and is studying robotics. What? He has an engineering mind and a heart of gold (which we may need to mine some day for a college fund). He attended his first school dance which was fantastic. It was like watching newborn deer on ice. He’s doing great in piano and Ninjitsu and starts basketball this year for his first time. He’s super polite, respectful, caring, and a perfect pet owner. But this year is all about protecting people so here’s the scoop on Odin:

         Odin runs a Ponzi scheme and kills people. He’s tall and sweet which makes an excellent cover for his Godfather lifestyle. Seen here contemplating a decision to live or let die, he strokes his ‘stache caring little for which brother gets to continue breathing but more concerned for how many Lego’s are needed for a brother-sized-coffin. He’s quiet and he’ll feign awkwardness to make you feel more comfortable. And when he walks through the room, don’t let his gangly gait fool you, he’s in complete control of his actions and his bladder.

woofGwen still works full time in and out of the home because her husband is pretty much a dead beat… Not as bad as some of you, but better than others. She does all the shuffling of kids and meals and coupons like a champion—between her couponing and me giving up huffing we’ve managed to save our money for weed, since it’s legal now. Here’s a picture of her asking a dude if he has a pot leaf shaped coupon (of which there are none—YET!). It’s hard to tell you anything new about Gwen because you all know her--- You know she’s fun, and sweet, goofy, and glamorous. OH, but I bet you didn’t know she got a new pussy! It’s actually about 8 weeks old, orange, and short haired, but really fun to play with. We haven’t named him yet, but once the kids and I break it in, a name will come.

woof/glI finally finished and published my first book and I’m slowly working on the second one. I could set a goal for mid next year, but once you say it then people expect things from you. So I’m not saying that. Not much new with me—still work for Cisco, I like to write, I live every day with my best friend and great kids. I sleep with a new pussy, our bunnies are cold outside but it makes them appreciate it more when we bring them in, and I have a job I get to go to every day. Life is good.

Cheers to you and your family and here’s hoping you have a laughing, happy Christmas and a fantastic New Year!

The Family

woof = Thank you Gilligan and Skipper, I hope you know what you did for us.

gl = Thank you Gerald Lutz. I hope you know what you did for me.